We've all seen the classic movie A Hard Day's Stint starring the ever-popular band whose name has become a household word in recent years. No, I'm not talking about What the Hell?, but that other band that has recently penetrated into the music scene with such vigor and motivational drive that music critics have been left breathless. No, not Pollen either. I'll give you one more guess. I'll give you a clue: take the last word of the aformentioned movie title and add the letters 'er' to the end. No! Not Muppet Snuff! I'm of course talking about STINTER!!!!!
We all know the Stinter that has been portrayed in A Hard Day's Stint; James the Non-Highway-Driving One, Felix the Badass One, Dan the Crack-Smoking One (I love that one scene where the crack-pipe blows up in his hand and he can't play guitar for a week!), and of course, Jon the Long One. But many people have wondered, just how Non-highway-driving, Badass, Crack-smoking, and Long are the members? Well, in this article we'll at least be answering one of those questions. Rolling Stone proudly presents an interview with Felix von Stroodle, bass-player extraordinaire for STINTER!!!!! STINTER!!! STINTER!!!!!!!! BIG BIRD LIKE STINTER!!!!!! STINTER IS FUNNY!!!!!!!!
The following interview took place outside Silverman's Farm in Easton, Connecticut, and was paid for by the letter E and the number 3.
Felix : [petting a Schlomo] Yeah, wasn't TV's Eric Roberts great in that?
Big Bird : His role as the Hamburglar was pretty interesting. But what people really want to know is, just how badass are you? For example, there was a scene in the movie where someone asked you directions for a party at Kara's House, and you gave them the directions to, uh...
Felix : [listening carefully to a Schlomo] Felix Zimmer's house, yeah. Well, you know, that was a pretty badass thing to do, but people have to realize that we didn't write the script. John Van Huddle came to us with his script, and that part was written in. Kara and Zimmer were apparantly some of Van Huddle's friends that he went to high school with, back when he was living in San Fredo, Kansas. I mean, I've known some people named Felix but the only Zimmer I've known was my friend Morgan Zimmer who incidentally broke my nintendo controller. But i'm derailing here; the truth is that i've never given anyone wrong directions to a party at anybody's house. And while i'm on the subject, I might as well just tell all you people reading this magazine at home that most of those stories are lies. I never told any cop that my name was Jose McIntosh 255-7797, I never stalked a girl named Harmony and put my second broken copy of Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet album with the words, "will you go to the prom with me?" etched into the record, and i've NEVER sang Kokomo by the B-52's in public places! [Ed.'s note : Kokomo was actually a song by fellow Fairfield band Trixter, not the B-52's as Felix reports] It's amazing the rumours that people make up. Don't they have anything else to do with their time besides make up lame stories?
Big Bird : What about the oar they found at the Ogden House?
Felix : [moving the Schlomo as if it is the Schlomo who is really speaking] Now why would we as a group waste our time bringing a yellow plastic oar named Peter Penecious...
Big Bird : Um, I never said it was yellow or plastic or named Peter Penecious...
Felix : [dancing with the Schlomo] See! This is just how rumours get started. I tell ya, if half the rumours you heard about us were true, people would think we were weird and wouldn't give our music as much respect as they have.
Big Bird : Well, let's talk about your music. Your greatest hits album just came out, so we might as well go through the tracks one by one.
Felix : [petting a Nima] Sounds good to me. And just for the record, I've never showered with a friend either!
Big Bird : Fine, let's start with He Can't Fly.
Felix : HCF was the first song I wrote. I actually wrote it for our previous band Reagle Beagle, which consisted of me, James, and the Long One. The first original song we really did was one of James' called Rabbit Gets the Trix, but our fellow high school student Rich White stole it and made a fortune off it.
Big Bird : Yeah, I love that song! Especially the part where the Rabbit kills the kids! God knows I'd love to do that sometimes with some of those brats i have to hang around!
Felix : So anyways, i came up with this song and it's not a great song but it's not bad and Dan does cool guitar work in the intro. And james and i harmonize pretty well at the end.
Big Bird : On some of these songs, I can never tell which vocal is you and which is james. I have the same trouble distinguishing Matt and Gunnar Nelson's voices.
Felix : Who doesn't? I can't even tell which is which in the videos, although i think the one with the long blond hair is Gunnar.
Big Bird : Actually, that's Matt.
Felix : See, you never know!
Big Bird : Yeah, i heard that he's replacing Sexy Spice as the 5th Spice Girl.
Felix : Sure, why not? Anyhow, next track please.
Big Bird : Oh yeah, Paranoid.
Felix : Yes, although we do a pretty good version of that, and James' solo is right on, we actually were gonna drop that song from our setlist when James pointed out correctly that no one would find it funny. But we eventually kept it in, and used it to open a lot of our shows. It's our way of saying at the beginning of the show, "hey, we're STINTER! and we're not gonna take any of your shit!! Unless you're big and strong and threaten to beat us up and stuff! But remember that my mom's a lawyer!!".
Big Bird : Let's get to Dog Named Jim.
Felix : Yes, that's one of my favorite songs. Everyone did a great job playing on that song, and even Dan's solo, as odd as it is, fits in well. and the lyrics are more creative and universal than you may think, because i'm not just talking about THIS PARTICULAR DOG, i'm really talking about THIS PARTICULAR DOG and maybe ANOTHER DOG THAT THIS OWNER MAY HAVE! Or it could even be a parakeet or something! Although i think my focus was more on dogs and lemurs. most lemurs really, but "I once had a lemur and his name was Jim" doesn't sound too good.
Big Bird : And so the three and fallin are apparantly james' songs.
Felix : Yeah, if you want to know anything about them, you can ask him. He's currently busy fighting off internet stalkers who think he's jimmy smits, so he may not answer your call right away. But i will say that Fallin is a really great song and the Three is exactly the opposite of anything i would refer to as great. Although the harmonies that dan and i put in at the beginning are pretty cool.
Big Bird : What musical groups inspire the harmonies that you guys do?
Felix : Mostly Hall and Oates. I'm not as much of a fan of H + O as Dan and James are, but i listen to some of their stuff. Dan just thinks they're the bees knees, he's got all the records. He'll come over my house screaming, "Hey, I just got X-Static! Can I copy it at your house?" and i'll finally concede, "all right, dan, this is the last time!" It's amazing how wrapped up some people can get in a single artist or band. For a long time, all James would listen to in the car was The Police Live. "Hey, James, is it disc one or disc two today?" I would joke. See, i really am badass sometimes!
Big Bird : Apparantly! so let's talk about Stinter's really big hit: Ogden House.
Felix : Yeah, that's a pretty catchy song. Actually, it's a bit of a ripoff! We were sitting around listening to "Baby Loves Me With Honey and Mustard" by the Turtles and Dan had this idea, "Why don't we change the lyrics of this song so they're about the Ogden House!" and so james and i did just that. I wrote the first two verses and thought up the tacked on ending, while james did the middle verse and sang it too. I think we sound the same on this song! Even i can't tell who's who.
Big Bird : What about that part about the lord at the end?
Felix : [Lying like a lying bastard...] Yeah, actually, our friend Rob Marmor was over the day we were recording that song, and at the end dan usually sings what later became known as the McDonald's theme, as you can hear in the last little cut. But this time we were all standing around trying to figure who was gonna sing what at the end. So you don't hear anything for a bit, and then clever lil' Rob says to himself, "oh what the hell" and went up and sang that little bit.
Big Bird : So that's not you? It sounds like you!
Felix : [I can tell he's lying because the words "I'm a bloody liar" are clearly visible in a neon sign floating above his head like a twisted kind of Stinter-angelic halo] See, never can tell, can ya!
Big Bird : Wow, you guys are fucking elusive!
Felix : Yup! You fucking know it, bitch!
Overhearing such foul language in his farm, Silverman came out with his gun and threatened to blow Felix's and my respective heads off. The interview thus ends with many more questions left to be answered, but alas, i'll have to ask him some other day when we meet. We had a great time, tho! And i'm sure you Stinter fans enjoyed! Stayed tuned for other Stinterviews! -- Big Bird