I was on my way home following a gathering to celebrate the new year when I noticed that I lacked a certain primate with which I had left my home earlier that evening

Lyrics by dmorris (The Cobbler)

Came home at one or two AM, made a nice hot cup of tea.
But as I looked back on my evening out there was something bothering me.

Did I forget to lock my car, no wait I got a ride...
Did I miss Teen Wolf Too again, no I checked the TV guide.
Did I overstay my welcome? Did I say goodnight too soon?
Now I think, oh no, I left my monkey in the bathroom.

Oh I never should have bought that thing, I got an awful deal.
And of sick and tired of throwing out his damn banana peels.

But I'd just come to like him now it seems I've let him go.
He's probably wandering out in the January snow.

Will he be okay? Does he miss me too? Will I see him again soon?
Oh no I never should have left my monkey in the bathroom.

Hi... I was at your house for the party tonight... did you by any chance find a monkey in the bathroom? He's short, pretty furry...

afgasdg!!!

What? My monkey killed 14 people in an amphetamine induced rage?

afgasgasd!!! ggggghi!!!

You're sending my monkey back to Indonesia? But I got my monkey from a Mexican black-market animal dealer named Enriqué... oh, man... what I am gonna... oh, man.

Well the story's been told a thousand times this is just another page...
Your favorite monkey kills your friends in an amphetamine-driven rage.

Tell me where did I go wrong did I feed him too much glue?
Or perhaps it was his favorite game called radiation zoo...

And will I feel this guilt under every January moon?
Oh no I never should have left my ...

Hey man I know you lost your monkey but I've got this rhinoceros I'll sell you...

... monkey in the bathroom.